I never thought this column would break a scandal—let alone resolve one—but today it will do both.  Steel yourself for some wholly insignificant, but wildly upsetting news. Are you sitting...

“Bay-gull” is the Goldi-locks of the word’s pronunciation. It references bagels’ Eastern European roots while also maintaining the adaptations both the baked good, and the word itself, have made over time. One thing’s for certain: It’s definitely not “bag-el.”