Boston College’s Director of Public Safety John King announced early Friday that self-balancing scooters, or “hoverboards,” are now banned on campus. The ban comes after several reports around the country  of the machines’ batteries catching on fire or exploding. The boards, which are not so much hoverboards as they are Segways without handlebars, are beloved by many students at BC. Now that this mode of transportation is gone for good, how will the BC population—from that kid who keeps bumping into walls down the hall in 90 to the rolling flock of football players—get around? Here are some suggestions:

1. Rollerblading: For the student who doesn’t mind walking but wants to add some flair to his trips to class, there’s nothing cooler than donning some sick blades. Maybe ones with flames above the wheels and a racing stripe. (Or whatever you want. I don’t know your life.) The only fires that’ll come from these bad boys are the sparks that the brake emits when you inevitably shred too hard. Plus, the 90s are in now more than ever. Why not show off that you’re hip and with it while also getting somewhere quickly?

2. A Group of Trained Squirrels Pulling a Sled: Winter is coming, and if you’ve forgotten, that means a veritable ton of snow is about to hit every inch of campus. Can hoverboards even work in the snow? Try taking one on a patch of ice and see how many bones you break.* But no matter, because with a little training and Costco-sized bags of acorns, you can train a few squirrels to pull you around on a sled. You’ll look like the Ice Queen from The Chronicles of Narnia on a budget, and you’ll be able to bundle up in blankets as you’re riding to class. Is there a fire hazard? Only if the squirrels turn against you and tear up your electric blanket.

*I do not suggest doing this unless you can guarantee BC will pay your tuition in full.

3. Only Go Where the Comm. Ave. Bus Can Take You: This is the best option after 5 p.m. At Lower but need to get to Mac for second dinner? The Comm. Ave. bus can get you there. Wanna go to that other burrito place down the street from Chipotle because Chipotle is probably haunted by a diarrhea ghost? Guess what, the Comm. Ave. bus goes there, too. If your destination is on the list of stops, then you’re set. Looks like you’ll be spending more time summoning spirits at Evergreen Cemetery than you thought.

4. Eagles: After a soaring eagle opened up the Cotton Bowl this past New Year’s Eve, it’s clear that birds can do anything, and eagles add that dash of patriotism every sporting event needs. With BC’s mascot being the Eagles, not having our students—athletes and NARPs alike—shuttled around by modern raptors is an opportunity missed. Think of all the recruits that would suddenly see themselves at Chestnut Hill. You know you want them, BC Athletics. You know you need them. This isn’t about me. In fact, this is bigger than me. Do what’s right for the University.

5. Walking: A tried and true method, walking has been the easiest way to get anywhere for the past 10,000 years. Kids love it, old people love it, people on dating sites say they love it when they don’t have real hobbies. It’s safe, there’s little to no chance of spontaneous combustion, and it’s great for keeping you in shape. Bonus: grab some adult light-up sneakers (they’re real, where is your God now?) and hit the town. You’re not just walking, you’re walking with the style of a toddler who has an affinity for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Featured Image by Elaine Thompson / AP Photo